Mandatory quiet time

Sometimes I lie there listening to The Residents.

I've been having difficulty sleeping straight through the night for years. My insomnia started during my early teens and continues to this day. For a long time, I thought it was the product of various stress factors. Now I'm pretty sure that it's just a feature of my psyche.

My sleep disruptions adhere to a common pattern. I usually go to sleep without issue after half an hour or so of lying in bed. Two or three hours later, I wake up. Oftentimes I'll wake up thirsty, needing to pee, or with some other mild discomfort. But even when this discomfort has been taken care of, I'm still awake.

I then proceed to lie in bed without sleep for anywhere from one to five hours. Occasionally I'll give in to boredom and get up for some reading or internet-ing, but usually I just lie there and think.


I think about all sorts of stuff while I'm in this state. But, dyed-in-the-wool worrywart that I am, my thoughts usually turn to my problems and fears. This tendency was especially pronounced during my rocky first six months in New York. During this period I was broke, didn't know if my band would stick together long enough to record its first album, and had reason to believe that I might actually be attacked or killed in my bed.

We did eventually record the album, and I moved to a non-terrifying neighborhood and started making enough money to save a bit here and there. My sleep has improved apace, as one would expect.

But sometimes I find myself missing the long hours of solitude that come with frequent insomnia. Though I spent much of them fretting about issues outside of my control, I also did a lot of mental planning and revision for the album. The final product shows how much thought went into it. I also had plenty of time to reflect on my choices and plans, which is important for us introverts.

The bottom line is that it's hard to set an hour aside for quiet contemplation, even if you're living a lifestyle as low-key as mine. We might as well make use of the ones we get, whether we wanted them in the first place or not.